鈥淲here鈥檚 my brother?鈥�
FDNY Captain Freddie LaFemina was racing downtown with Squad 270. The FDNY had issued a recall of all firefighters to their firehouses 鈥� an act not employed since World War II. All special units except for two were downtown when the towers collapsed. And his brother 鈥� a firefighter with Rescue 3 鈥� was supposed to be working that day.
As the dust settled that Tuesday morning, thousands began desperate attempts to reach loved ones, colleagues, anyone. Such panicked pursuits were happening within the FDNY, too.
鈥淭hey have a list,鈥� LaFemina recalled. 鈥淭hey鈥檙e trying to conduct a rollcall to see who鈥檚 missing. Who鈥檚 there. Who鈥檚 not there. Who was off duty.鈥�
It was chaos.
LaFemina and his crew arrived on the scene 鈥� as close as they could get at least, several blocks away from where the towers once stood. He was hearing word that Rescue 3 was trapped.
鈥淭hen we walk up the two or three blocks, and it was overwhelming; it was massive,鈥� he remembered. 鈥淪ixteen acres of destruction with six, seven high-rise buildings, not including the two towers that are down, actively burning.鈥�
It seemed incomprehensible that anyone could have survived the collapse.
LaFemina soon ran into Division Commander Tommy Galvin.
鈥淚鈥檓 so happy to see you alive,鈥� Galvin said.
鈥淵eah, I鈥檓 good.鈥�
鈥淣o, you were on the list,鈥� Galvin explained. 鈥淵our brother鈥檚 on the list, too. We haven鈥檛 found him yet.鈥�
Concerned about his brother and thinking of his own family, LaFemina knew he had to find a way to call home to let his wife know he was OK. That moment wouldn鈥檛 come for several hours, though. The work ahead was unfathomable.
鈥極f course I wanted to go to the fire鈥�
Freddie LaFemina began his fire service career in 1985, but it wasn鈥檛 until several years later that he found himself guided into special operations. It was an instant fit: 鈥淚 loved every minute of it. That was where I always had my passion.鈥�
In 2000, LaFemina was assigned to Squad 270 in Queens. Geographically, it was the furthest special unit from the World Trade Center site.
On the night of September 10, 2001, LaFemina was studying in his office for an upcoming chief鈥檚 exam. They ran a couple jobs in the middle of the night. It was a routine shift.
The next morning, the alarm at the World Trade Center was announced. It was normal, he said, as any alarm at the Trade Center was an automatic second alarm due to the size of the facility, and any multiple-alarm fire was announced in every firehouse in the city.
鈥淚t didn鈥檛 resonate with us until we put the TV on 鈥� of course I wanted to go to the fire.鈥�
Instead, with a nightmare unfolding in Manhattan, Squad 270 was assigned to protect the rest of the city, first responding to a reported train station bombing on the Long Island Railroad 鈥� a false alarm. That tied up the crew for a while. But then, the recall announcement was made, and they knew they would likely be headed to the biggest incident in FDNY history.
鈥榃here do we start?鈥�
LaFemina had been to many building collapses in his career 鈥� massive incidents where more than six dwellings were down 鈥� but this scene was on an entirely different scale.
鈥淚鈥檓 telling you, the pictures do not do it justice. As bad as it looks, when you were there, it鈥檚 compounded 150 times,鈥� LaFemina stressed, adding that even beyond the tons of rubble and the deep-seated fires, there were other anxieties. 鈥淭here鈥檚 fighter jets all over the place. So now the wheels are turning. Is this the enemy? Are we under attack?鈥�
Crews soon got word the jets were U.S. military.
Amid what command structure remained after the collapse, LaFemina鈥檚 crew was divided among various assignments 鈥� some members assigned to help rescue two Port Authority officers, others trying to dig out two civilians who could be heard in the rubble.
But mostly, they found bodies.
鈥淭he only crew that survived the collapse was 6 Truck,鈥� said LaFemina, recalling the chaos of knowing they were alive but not being able to find them. 鈥淥ne of my ex-bosses, John Salka 鈥� he had been my lieutenant 鈥� he came running by and he鈥檚 telling me, 鈥楯ay鈥檚 on the radio. We can鈥檛 find him.鈥欌��
This was Jay Jonas, captain of Ladder Company 6. Jonas鈥� crew ultimately found their way out of the rubble several hours later.
As the day wore on, LaFemina saw the dangers all around them: 鈥淢y focus was, of course, getting to our guys and any civilians that could possibly be alive, but I didn鈥檛 want any of my guys to get severely injured or killed during this rescue operation. We kind of all had that mindset as supervisors, and we took some chances, but we were still aware of this fact that you lose rescuers at these incidents.鈥�
The most pressing concern for LaFemina: His crew was working in the collapse footprint of 7 World Trade Center. It was 3:30 p.m., and he had to make a decision about moving the crew. He knew that it would take 30-45 minutes to navigate the debris to get outside of the collapse zone, so they had to go 鈥� now.
7 World Trade Center collapsed at 5:20 p.m. The crew had made it out.
鈥榊ou had to park the emotions鈥�
It wasn鈥檛 until 4 or 5 a.m. that LaFemina ran into a chief who had a cell phone he could borrow.
鈥淚t was emotional,鈥� he said of that first call to his wife. 鈥淪he kind of knew I was OK because somebody had told her they had heard me talking on the radio. But she wasn鈥檛 convinced.鈥�
Then, LaFemina saw his brother. He had taken the day off at the last minute.
The firefighter who worked in his place that day, Joe Spor, did not survive. He had only been with Rescue 3 a couple of weeks.
鈥淗e doesn鈥檛 talk about it much,鈥� LaFemina said of his brother. 鈥淲e never really discussed it much, but I know he feels terrible.鈥�
Guilt is a common emotion, he shared: 鈥淚 think every firefighter working that day, even that didn鈥檛 get there that day, has survivor鈥檚 guilt. There was a lot of it going on. You鈥檙e talking about a lot of emotions.鈥�
But on that day, and in the weeks that followed, emotions were secondary, LaFemina explained: 鈥淣o matter how we feel, you have to focus on this. You had to park the emotions. Some people couldn鈥檛 do that. They were too overwhelmed. But for me, the focus was the job because who鈥檚 coming? There鈥檚 nobody coming. It鈥檚 us. If anybody is going to get rescued here, we are going to rescue them. There鈥檚 nobody after us. This is it. So, that was the emotion, the anxiousness of trying to find somebody and just anything, a sign of life, you know?鈥�
鈥業 was really hurting鈥�
The first few days were painful, physically and psychologically. There was no heading home for a hot shower or good night鈥檚 sleep, not for LaFemina.
鈥淭he first time I sat down was probably on Wednesday night,鈥� he recalled. 鈥淎nd somebody brought me something to eat, Burger King or whatever it was. And I had a sit, and I remember I must have fallen asleep, and somebody woke me up. I said, 鈥楬ow long have I been sleeping?鈥� and they said, 鈥極nly about an hour.鈥� I was just sitting on debris. I wasn鈥檛 anywhere special. Not even laying down. I had my back against a beam or wall or something.鈥�
Amid the lack of food, sleep and rest, there was another challenge 鈥� the inescapable smell, the mix of death and burning metal. 鈥淭hat鈥檚 what stuck with me the most,鈥� LaFemina said.
It was during brief breaks that members would pause to consider the magnitude of the loss for the department. People floated numbers but, 鈥淚t was unfathomable,鈥� he remembers thinking. 鈥淎t that point in our 125-year history, we had lost 700 members in the line of duty. This pushed it over 1,000 in one day.鈥�
On Friday, the non-stop exertion finally came to an end for LaFemina, if only for a moment.
鈥淚 couldn鈥檛 walk. I was really hurting. I had to go,鈥� he recalled. 鈥淚 told one of the chiefs there, 鈥業 gotta go home. I need to shower. I have to clean up. I鈥檒l be back.鈥欌��
LaFemina arrived home around 1 p.m.
鈥淚 told my wife, 鈥業 don鈥檛 want to speak to anybody. I don鈥檛 want to see anybody. I want to lay on the couch and that鈥檚 it.鈥� An hour into my sleep, she handed me the phone and said, 鈥楥hief Norman鈥檚 on the phone.鈥欌��
LaFemina needed to be at the chief鈥檚 office at 3 p.m. No rest for the weary.
鈥榊ou鈥檙e trying to do the right thing鈥�
With so many department leaders, including Chief Pete Ganci, killed in the attack, a new crew of leaders worked around the clock to devise an operational plan. They needed senior members to step up and offer any intel and expertise for managing urban search and rescue operations.
One of the first priorities identified by Chief of Operations Daniel Nigro was controlling the scene.
鈥淧eople were coming from all over,鈥� LaFemina described. 鈥淐ivilians, they鈥檙e running on this pile. It was very, very dangerous. They were trying to help. Good intentions, but it wasn鈥檛 good.鈥�
LaFemina made a simple recommendation based on operations at the Oklahoma City bombing: Fence it in. 鈥淸Nigro] looks at me and says, 鈥業t鈥檚 16 acres.鈥� And I said, 鈥榃e鈥檙e in New York City. We have 1,500 fence companies. They can have it up in a couple of days.鈥� And that鈥檚 when we really got control. There was one way in, one way out.鈥�
It was an important early step in improving safety at the scene.
Another critical decision soon followed: FDNY would essentially be divided into two departments 鈥� the World Trade Center Fire Department and the New York City Fire Department. As much as everyone wanted to continue searching for their brothers, the city still needed a fire department.
LaFemina explained how it worked: 鈥淲hat we did was we took Squad 61 in the Bronx, who survived, and us in Queens, and we made them rescue companies, and they covered half of the city each. That went on for about two months. So you had 12 hours of duty at the Trade Center, and you still had to work your tour. So, you would be down there, and it was never 12 hours. You would find a fireman and you would want to dig him out, or a civilian, and it would be 20 hours and then it was a 24. Then you only had 10 guys left to work the chart. There were only a couple of officers. So, you were never home until sometime in February or March when we got some manpower back, but before that, it was 24/7.鈥�
Beyond the first few months, the work became a blur: 鈥淚 vividly remember every moment of the first day, of the first week, of the first few months,鈥� he said. 鈥淎nd then it becomes monotony. You鈥檙e down there. What time is it? Who鈥檚 here? Where are we working today? What鈥檚 going on?鈥�
The time didn鈥檛 matter. The day didn鈥檛 matter.
鈥淚 remember just standing there, early Christmas morning. One or two in the morning. I鈥檓 just looking around going, 鈥榃ow, I can鈥檛 believe this is Christmas day.鈥� Standing in the middle of this devastation.鈥�
Amid the nonstop work, LaFemina and others were making time to attend funerals: 鈥淵ou鈥檙e trying to do the right thing. You don鈥檛 want to miss a funeral, but you can鈥檛 go home and put your uniform on because you鈥檙e filthy dirty. I remember we would leave, a lot of us, from the site, go to a funeral, go back to the site and go to work, get the word of another funeral. You were trying to keep that balance. It was your duty to get to that site and work, and then your duty to get to that firefighter鈥檚 funeral.鈥�
The balancing act went on for months.
LaFemina attended 88 funerals and worked at the site until the last day of recovery operations 鈥� May 9, 2002. He only went back to Ground Zero a handful of times after that. It had become standard practice, as bodies continued to be found, to include a rescue chief in the recovery process, so LaFemina would return to handle the documentation.
鈥淣ow it鈥檚 to the point where I won鈥檛 go near that place,鈥� he said.
鈥榃e had to get these companies up and running鈥�
It鈥檚 impossible to separate the tragedy of the day from the immediate structural and leadership changes within the department. LaFemina, for one, had considerable experience in rescue operations, but he was now being called upon to rebuild and lead the elite Rescue 1 unit.
LaFemina had been preparing to promote for the chief鈥檚 exam, but Rescue 1 had lost 11 members, including the captain. The commissioner was adamant about the move for LaFemina following the death of all five rescue chiefs. They needed an experienced rescuer in that spot.
The trajectory of LaFemina鈥檚 career had suddenly shifted. By April 2002, he was promoted to battalion chief assigned to the Rescue Battalion: 鈥淵ears ago, you made chief after 17,18, 20 years,鈥� he explained. 鈥淚 had 16 years on the job, and I was getting promoted to chief already. I was confident in my ability. I had plenty of experience, but it just accelerated everything 鈥� and it was very difficult. Not just for me, for all the guys 鈥� their home life as well because everything focused on that incident. All day, every day.鈥�
The sudden staffing reduction prompted shuffling of some members and promotions for others 鈥� and the training was constant: 鈥淲e had to get these companies up and running, and it took a long time, but the guys stepped up and they鈥檙e great rescue men and squad firefighters now,鈥� LaFemina emphasized.
The incident changed the training dynamic of the fire service, not just in New York City, but around the world, he added: 鈥淏etter training, better equipment, better preparation. 鈥楨xpect the unexpected鈥� 鈥� we used to always say that, but we went above and beyond after 9/11.鈥�
鈥楨very day of my life鈥�
LaFemina has not been near the World Trade Center site in nearly 10 years. Every September 11, he goes to Rescue 1 on 43rd Street, several miles away from Ground Zero, for a ceremony, then heads home and 鈥渉opes the day ends quickly.鈥�
It鈥檚 not that he wants to forget or dismiss the day; in fact, he remembers the day like it was yesterday. But he chooses to focus on the firefighters. Of the 343 firefighters killed on 9/11, LaFemina knew 202 of them, 92 of whom he worked with on a regular basis as part of the command unit.
鈥淓very guy, especially in my command that I worked with, had a little piece of my career. Billy Lake in Rescue 2, he was always busting chops. And Kevin O鈥橰ourke, he was the sweetest, nicest guy. First guy to help you at your house. And Chief Downey, the most respected. You know, we called him God. He would run those incidents like they were nothing.
鈥淚 look at the pictures and I go, 鈥楻emember this guy and this story?鈥� I always have a little story in my head about the people I really knew. It鈥檚 nonstop. 鈥� That鈥檚 how I keep it close. And the guys I didn鈥檛 know, I don鈥檛 have a story, but I know the characters. I know what they stood for.鈥�
He knows because he lived it his entire life, his family a rollcall of firefighters 鈥� his father, uncles, cousins and, of course, his brother.
鈥淚t was our life, and then this tragic incident occurred. But you keep going, onto the next operation.鈥�
And that鈥檚 what he did, continuing to serve the department, lead Rescue 1 and oversee the rebuilding efforts of rescue operations for another 10 years.
LaFemina retired from the FDNY as Chief of Rescue Operations in 2011 鈥� a medical retirement.
鈥淚t was my calling, my identity. I would go back tomorrow if they would take me.鈥�
This article, originally published in August 2021, has been updated.
